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Why We Should Stop Using the Word “Should”
As we go about our daily lives, we often use the word “should” to express our thoughts and opinions. For example, we might say “I should exercise more” or “I should eat healthier.” While it may seem harmless, the truth is that the word “should” can actually be quite detrimental to our mental health.
What does the word “should” really mean? At its core, “should” implies that there is a specific set of rules or expectations that we must adhere to. It suggests that there is a “right” way to do things and that if we don’t follow this path, we are somehow failing.
The problem with this line of thinking is that it creates an attachment to a version of reality that may not align with our actual reality. It creates an idealized version of ourselves and sets us up for disappointment when we inevitably fall short of these expectations. This attachment can cause unnecessary stress and suffering, leading to feelings of anxiety, guilt, and shame.
Furthermore, using the word “should” can also lead to a negative self-image. When we constantly tell ourselves that we “should” be doing something differently, we begin to internalize this message and view ourselves as inadequate or flawed.
So what can we do to break free from this harmful cycle? First and foremost, we need to start using language that is more compassionate and accepting of ourselves. Instead of saying “I should exercise more,” we can say “I would like to exercise more because it makes me feel good.” This simple shift in language can help us focus on the positive aspects of our choices rather than fixating on what we “should” be doing.
Another helpful strategy is to practice mindfulness. By being present in the moment and accepting our current reality without judgment, we can let go of our attachment to the “shoulds” and focus on what is actually happening in our lives. Mindfulness can also help us cultivate a sense of self-compassion and kindness, which can counteract the negative self-talk that often accompanies the use of the word “should.”
In conclusion, the word “should” is a hallmark of chronically unhappy people because it creates an attachment to a version of reality that is not always in alignment with our actual reality. By replacing “should” with more compassionate language and practicing mindfulness, we can break free from this harmful cycle and cultivate a more positive and accepting relationship with ourselves. Let’s seek wisdom in letting go of our attachment to the “shoulds” and embracing the present moment with kindness and compassion.
